I was just going through my old artist statetments and I accidentallty found this notes to myself that I did which I did not even remember that I did. I am going to post it here to share with myself again and with someone who might visit this page...!
Writing helps me clear my head or should I say
my mind? It is 12:40 am and I just woke up just to re-write what I wrote
before I go to bed. I will add what I wanted to say with a different color
so I know what I added. Time is ticking.
At this exact moment, did anyone on this planet
thought the way I did and felt the way felt? I know that does not matter
as long as I am in touch with myself and beyond. I tend to romanticize
and live in illusion when I am not connected with my own soul. I had better
go and paint and feel the oneness with myself.
There is this image in my head that has been there for quite a long time.
I am only here for the time being in comparison to the length of the existence of the universe, as being me. Certain rules in life, I cannot change. Like a law of the nature and I am a part of the nature. I am truly fascinated by it. I am truly blessed to have time to live my life as being me in this lifetime and learn and discover more about what universe has to offer before the day I shall leave the earth. I love my emotions.
As I get older, I started to find being a human being ever so interesting. We get to familiarize ourselves both physically and spiritually to get to know what we are and who we are. It is an unending journey of continuous discoveries and surprizes. There are so many things I want to express and possibly talk about. But if someone asks me what they are, I will not be able to form them into words nor am I even sure if I understand what I really feel in depth right at this moment. But I know that I feel so much for life, almost too much to contain it within myself. But I make no effort to convert my feelings into words when it is not necessary. I want to simply enjoy the abstract feelings and let it out in my work where there are no words attached to it. I feel more alive and peaceful that way as long as I can let out my creativity out to the world or I will go insane! I am truly grateful to this present moment of being alive and I hope to share the joy of creativity with the viewers where it sent me off to the land of freedom and love while I created it.
July 12, 2007 4:01pm
In the realm of timelessness where you connect within and to the whole universe, it is just so powerful that I just feel so grateful to the life itself. I know somebody out there does understand what I am saying and even if people do not get what I said, deep inside all lives, the thoughts are shared. I seek to share these experiences with other human beings but I tell myself not to get attached to the thought of actually sharing it in the form of a physical recognition. That is not important. What really matters to me is that I do what my soul desires as long as I am physically capable of pursuing my vocation. I paint not for the interest of creating the superficial visual effects but to externalize my energy, the universal energy, to share with other beings. I do not know howelse to show how much I love and appreciate the depth, the vastness and the warmth of the ultimate bliss that we, the universal energy is about.
10.28. 11:10 pm.
Yesterday, I met a friend
for a coffee whom I just met recently. I knew that she was leaving for
France but I was not aware that yesterday was her last day in Boston.
She is a very special friend although I know her a very short time. The
time we spend together was beautiful.I would not know howelse to say it.
I deeply felt her being and I knew it was mutual. She asked me how I have
been and I told her that I have been wonderful. She asked me why and I
did not quite know why. She gave me a book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.She
told me before that this book was randomly passed on to her by a stranger
she met at the airport in Germany just as she was thinking about this
book the night before it happened. Now the book came to me through a long
Today is sunny, and just feeling the sun ray on my face gives me an instant energy. You know what, just for now, I think it is better than chocolate! My mom is going to laugh at me but I am listening to Carole King right now.
You got to get up