I was just going through my old artist statetments and I accidentallty found this notes to myself that I did which I did not even remember that I did. I am going to post it here to share with myself again and with someone who might visit this page...!

Writing helps me clear my head or should I say my mind? It is 12:40 am and I just woke up just to re-write what I wrote before I go to bed. I will add what I wanted to say with a different color so I know what I added. Time is ticking.
It is going forward and my time of life is ticking with it, from the perspective and understanding of human time.

At this exact moment, did anyone on this planet thought the way I did and felt the way felt? I know that does not matter as long as I am in touch with myself and beyond. I tend to romanticize and live in illusion when I am not connected with my own soul. I had better go and paint and feel the oneness with myself.
Does any soul felt my soul? Of course, the energy circulates.

There is this image in my head that has been there for quite a long time.

A line.


One end is a dot that says birth. The other end of the line, there is a dot that says death. And I am walking on this line the day I was born. And again, this imagery is only applicable to the human perspective of life on earth. Sometimes I am dancing on this line laughing. Other times, I am resting and pondering about life feeling quite lonely for reasons which I cannot quite explain nor express. I get lonely when I am not being in touch with myself and feel disconnected to the love energy. No matter what I am feeling or doing, every second of my life. I am further from a dot of birth, but I am closer to the dot of death,as a form of human being living as myself. Such a simple fact makes me so appreciative of being alive and seeing others alive around me. I feel that at the core of humans, after ripping all the physical matters, we are just beautiful light of love. The line that connects the two dots should be made of this ray of light. And this light is eternal.

I am only here for the time being in comparison to the length of the existence of the universe, as being me. Certain rules in life, I cannot change. Like a law of the nature and I am a part of the nature. I am truly fascinated by it. I am truly blessed to have time to live my life as being me in this lifetime and learn and discover more about what universe has to offer before the day I shall leave the earth. I love my emotions.

4.9.2007, 10:35pm

As I get older, I started to find being a human being ever so interesting. We get to familiarize ourselves both physically and spiritually to get to know what we are and who we are. It is an unending journey of continuous discoveries and surprizes. There are so many things I want to express and possibly talk about. But if someone asks me what they are, I will not be able to form them into words nor am I even sure if I understand what I really feel in depth right at this moment. But I know that I feel so much for life, almost too much to contain it within myself. But I make no effort to convert my feelings into words when it is not necessary. I want to simply enjoy the abstract feelings and let it out in my work where there are no words attached to it. I feel more alive and peaceful that way as long as I can let out my creativity out to the world or I will go insane! I am truly grateful to this present moment of being alive and I hope to share the joy of creativity with the viewers where it sent me off to the land of freedom and love while I created it.

July 12, 2007 4:01pm

In the realm of timelessness where you connect within and to the whole universe, it is just so powerful that I just feel so grateful to the life itself. I know somebody out there does understand what I am saying and even if people do not get what I said, deep inside all lives, the thoughts are shared. I seek to share these experiences with other human beings but I tell myself not to get attached to the thought of actually sharing it in the form of a physical recognition. That is not important. What really matters to me is that I do what my soul desires as long as I am physically capable of pursuing my vocation. I paint not for the interest of creating the superficial visual effects but to externalize my energy, the universal energy, to share with other beings. I do not know howelse to show how much I love and appreciate the depth, the vastness and the warmth of the ultimate bliss that we, the universal energy is about.

10.28. 11:10 pm.

 

Yesterday, I met a friend for a coffee whom I just met recently. I knew that she was leaving for France but I was not aware that yesterday was her last day in Boston. She is a very special friend although I know her a very short time. The time we spend together was beautiful.I would not know howelse to say it. I deeply felt her being and I knew it was mutual. She asked me how I have been and I told her that I have been wonderful. She asked me why and I did not quite know why. She gave me a book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.She told me before that this book was randomly passed on to her by a stranger she met at the airport in Germany just as she was thinking about this book the night before it happened. Now the book came to me through a long journey.

I came back home and I thought about Sarah's question and I found the answer. I feel wonderful because I am just so happy to be alive and be able to feel every moments of my life passing as I breathe with joy. And also because life allows me to meet beautiful people like her. I am sending you all my love for your new life in France, Sarah.6.9.11:45am

 

Today is sunny, and just feeling the sun ray on my face gives me an instant energy. You know what, just for now, I think it is better than chocolate! My mom is going to laugh at me but I am listening to Carole King right now.

You got to get up every morning
with a smile on your face
and show the world
all the love in your heart
then people gonna treat you better,
you gonna find, yes you will
that you are beautiful as you feeeeeel.
(Beautiful by Carole King)


I love it! 9.1. 12:55pm